Welcome to the Hotel Paranoia
A parody rewrite of the Eagles’ 1977 hit song, Hotel California, relevant to the current times, the times of pervasive paranoia and pandemics of fear.
HOTEL PARANOIA
(the rewrite)
On the great reset highway, fools’ words in my ear
Warm smell of infection, rising up through the fear
Up ahead in the future, I saw a frightening sight
My health grew heavy and my rights grew dim
I got locked down for the night
“Show passports at the doorway,”
I heard the armed guards tell
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”
Then they brought out the needles and they boosted away
There were voices from the monitor,
I thought I heard them say…
Welcome to the Hotel Paranoia
Such an ugly place (Such an ugly place)
So just mask your face
Plenty of doom at the Hotel Paranoia
Any kind of fear (Any kind of fear)
You can find it here
The news is definitely twisted toward propagandic ends
They got a lot of pretty newsman boys they call friends
How they lie in the courthouse, hyping the threat.
Some lie to remember, some lie to forget
So I called up the doctor,
“Please help me feel fine”
He said, “We haven’t showed that spirit here since nineteen twenty nine”
And so our choice is falling so far away,
Taken out in the middle of the night
Then you hear them say…
Welcome to the Hotel Paranoia
Such an ugly place (Such an ugly place)
So just mask your face
The living will die at the Hotel Paranoia
What a big surprise (not a nice surprise)
Right before your eyes.
Fear’s up to the ceiling,
They keep vaccine on ice
“Sure,” we said, “we are all just listeners here, on our own device”
And in Big Pharma’s boardrooms,
They gathered for the feast
They profit from our sickly lives
And they just can’t care the least
Last thing I remember, I was
Lying on the floor
I couldn’t get the message back
To the way it was before
“React,” said the fright man,
“We are programmed to deceive.
You can fact check any time you like,
But you will not believe.”
Rewritten song lyrics by imagiNed.com
HOTEL CALIFORNIA
(the original)
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say…
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
“Please bring me my wine”
He said, “We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine”
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin’ it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device”
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! “
Original song lyrics by Don Henley and Glenn Frey
Side-by-side song lyrics available as one-page PDF here:
Hotel Paranoia Music Video
(An on-screen lyric video with singing over a Hotel California karaoke track.)
Yes, this video is obviously not a professional recording, but it serves well enough as a proof of concept demo to get the lyrics shared.
So here’s the hope of my wildest imagiNed imagination:
The Eagles have planned a huge Hotel California tour for 2022. Such a lovely place for them to showcase these updated lyrics for their classic song. You can do your part by sharing these lyrics/video with any musician/singer friends who might record a more polished version. As more and more prominent musicians perform this version, perhaps it will come to the attention of the Eagles themselves and they will add it to their tour set list.
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