Are you a New Year’s Reso-loser? You know, someone whose resolutions have lost their resolve already? Well don’t despair, there’s always hope, because if there weren’t always hope, then what’s left would be despair. So, resolve to have hope.

I hope you can keep your resolutions because I never could keep mine. Most years, by January 15, I’d already lost the sheet of paper I wrote my resolutions on, if I ever wrote any to begin with, and anyway by the end of the month I’d forgotten what they all were already.

One year I resolved to get in shape, but I had neglected to specify what kind of shape, and I ended up in sorry shape indeed. One thing I never did resolve was to quit smoking, but I’m not sure if that counts because I never smoked in the first place.

Here is the secret to keeping resolutions: make only resolutions that you can keep and that means keeping the piece of paper that you write them on. I know some people who tattooed their resolutions right on their body, but their resolutions were just to get tattoos. Flaking out on a resolution like that is not only difficult but painful.

How many of you made resolutions last year to eat every day and sleep every night? Hah! I’ll bet none of you did, and yet if you did, I’d venture to say that you kept those resolutions quite nicely, thank you.

OK, I think I’ve given you enough pointers on how not to be a New Year’s Reso-loser. Let’s summarize: resolve to do what you know you’re going to do anyway, be specific, make it painful to flake out, and remember to have hope.

Happy New Year!

January 1, 2005